First Dates at the Piggly Wiggly

So I’m originally from Detroit.  Home of the Bad Boys (that would be the 90s Piston’s for those lacking knowledge of the real NBA).  Neighbor to the Canadians, aye.

But my mom’s family is from the South.  Like the for real for real South.  Where they had garage sales and farmer’s markets before they were a faddish, pretentious thing.  And during summer months I used to go down south (that’s what I called it back then) to visit my great grandmother, grandmother, cousins, etc.  But on some days it was just me and my great grandmother, or MaDear, as we call her.

No.  Not this MaDear:

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Don’t stare at this too long.  It will make you dizzy.  Sorry.

But a real woman who totes Bibles and quotes scripture.  Not guns and strange advice that involves pimp slaps.  Nothing against MaDears that do, I just didn’t want you to confuse the two.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s talk about one of my favorite pastimes when  I was in the south with MaDear.  Going to the Piggly Wiggly.

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That’s right.  I have some of the best memories tied to our trips to that particular grocery store.  Sometimes it’s just the little things, ya know.

But thinking back on our Piggly moments, recalling recent conversations with friends, and just reflecting on my life in general gave me a crazy, but logical idea.  That Piggly Wiggly, or just any grocery store in general, would be the perfect first date location!

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Ohhhh, I know it’s hard to hold back your excitement.  It’s such a romantic, one-stop shop kind of first date location.  I mean, there’s food, snacks, beverages, games and toys.  Everything you need.  Besides all those gems, I have a few other reasons why this idea is legit.  Here we go:

1)You will get an up close and personal view of how they treat strangers

Ever see those guys who yap on the phone while the cashier is attempting to check them out?  Rude.  Or the man who yells at the customer service representative over something that’s out of their control? And theeeeen for some reason, they try to get others standing in line with them to band together for The Cause?  Nah bruh.  Or the one who doesn’t say please or thank you to the employees who took time to help?  Ugh.

Would you date a man who did any of the above?  I thought not.  If that guy walked up to you and asked you out on a date after any of those things went down I’m sure you would run for the hills.

Problem is, most jerkholes like this are typically on their best behavior when escorting you to a nice restaurant or to the movies.  If you’re not careful, you’ll miss the jerkhole red flags for days.  Even months.  Don’t get fooled.  Take that dude to the Piggly Wiggly.

2) You will get some clues as to how they spend their money

Here’s a news flash for you.  I’m cheap frugal.  I have a budget.  I strive to spend my money wisely, buying mostly things I need and rarely splurging on things I want.  Student loans and kids will do this to your life.

So one thing I pay close attention to in a man is where he chooses to spend his money.  If your treasure is constantly in brand names, big ticket items, and extravagant living, we probably won’t work out.  I mean that’s not a 100% certainty, but at least an 88% chance that he won’t have a chance.

Now that I’ve gotten those out of the way, let’s get to the most important reason why grocery store dates are the future.

3) You will get to see whether he returns his cart to the corral

This.  This really grinds my gears.  I mean, really.  How hard is it to take maybe 10 more steps to put your cart where it belongs?  Oh, and this is my favorite:

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The ones who decide to gather their carts on the curb near and oh so close to the corral, but just can’t muster the energy to take it a step further.  Monsters.  Would you want to date someone this lazy?  This shockingly oblivious to their own selfishness?

I’ve actually been propositioned by The Non-Cart Corraler while he was attempting to park his cart everywhere but the corral.  True story.  And trust me.  You don’t want to date this guy, either.

To round this out, it’s obvious that I’m sort of (not) kidding about having first dates at the Piggly Wiggly.  And I’m also sort of (not at all) kidding about the above points.  But what I am trying to say is that the way your potential mate treats others, buries his treasures, and whether he puts his cart back in the corral (I swear this translates into real world red flags) are first impressions that should carry serious weight.

Basically, first dates at the grocery store would be a perfect screening process.  So for that guy that wants to get to know you better, hold him to the fire.  The Piggly Wiggly fire.

Until next time, stay vigilant and aware, girl.  And put back your darn grocery carts.

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