Sigh. I miss the good old days. When we could leave our cell phones, our (un)social media, and our myriad of electronic devices at home without going into a total panic. I mean, we could actually spend an entire day having conversations with actual people and needed to have pocket change if we wanted to engage in non-face-to-face interactions.
But no. Not today. Today we have the opinions of every idiot, smart person, and ‘expert’ being constantly downloaded into our spirit. We pretend as if continuously being fed the opinions and images of others won’t hurt us, but that in itself is a dangerous assumption.
And no one has change. Ever.
It’s no different when it comes to dating. We listen to our hearts, our thoughts, our friends, our family, our Instagram feeds with their #relationshipgoals, Google, our *ahem* baby making organs, and possibly even these blog posts.
Allowing these things to influence my decisions in the past (and also the present) has only crowded out God’s best for me. And possibly yours too. So here’s a list of the top five things I’ve lended an ear to that I think it’s time we give the boot. A “Don’t Do This” sort of list, if you will:
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Loves Jesus? Check.
Good breath? Mostly.
Has a sense of humor? Uh, something like it.
Six feet tall? No, he’s precisely 1.7 millimeters taller than you.
Makes six figures? Well, not exactly.
Owns a home? The way his life is set up right now.…
Wait wait wait, Jesus. I think you got my order wrong. Maybe you misheard my prayers? Because I was very specific and I was sure that the man of my dreams would line up with your will.
No, I heard you. And I know what you desire and what you think you want. But more than that, I know exactly what you need.
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Have you ever seen those incredibly talented make up artists who can transform themselves into a totally different person with some bomb contouring and eye shadow? Well, I am not that person. I can barely color inside the lines with my lipstick. And I didn’t even know contouring was a thing until I was in my 30’s.
Now regardless of your skill level or how you feel about make up in general, the stuff is basically magic. I mean, I once saw a woman turn herself into Nicki Minaj. And in case you’re wondering, she looked nothing like Nicki Minaj in real non-make up life.
On the other hand, there are also millions of YouTube videos for make up dummies like myself. Tutorials to help you enhance your beauty without going overboard. Or how to create a date night look that doesn’t resemble a Crayola massacre on your face.
And if you really think about it, intimacy can be the same way. It can transform said relationship into something much different than its initial intentions. Or it can enhance what God has already created, but at the right time and in the right context.
For those of you who aren’t following, here’s an example. You’ve been seeing this guy and you’re getting the hunch that he’s really a creep. But since there are no other prospects or even men looking your way, you decide to take things to the next level out of boredom and desperation. Whether that means kissing, sex, or the whole ‘everything but sex, technically still celibate’ category, you know you’ve crossed a line.
And once that line is crossed, this man’s character and attractiveness levels up from Gollum of Lord of the Rings to Great Gatsby Leo Dicaprio.
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Everyone I know on earth: “So. How’s it going? Are you dating anyone?”
Still single me: Sigh….”No, I’m not dating anyone at the moment. Yes, I’m still single. No, there are not prospects in the foreseeable future or the requisite 15 mile radius. And, yes, I’m fine.”
Me: “No, really. I’m happy and content on most days with being single. Why? Do you know someone?”
Them: “Oh, goodness no. You don’t want to date any of my friends! They’re so (fill in the blank with some incredibly strange or terrible character flaw)!”
Me thinking inwardly to myself: Why do you have friends like that?
Does this conversation sound familiar? I know I’m not the only one who feels like I’m constantly defending my singleness on a daily basis.
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